THE WORST THINGS A GUY CAN SAY TO HIS WIFE/GIRLFRIEND
According to one online blogger, these are the 10 worst things a guy could possibly say to his significant other:
1. “Calm down.” / “Relax.”
Ugh. Dudes, I cannot stress this enough: directing either of these phrases at us will mean a metaphorical hail/thunder/fire/ice storm coming your way. It might not be logical, but when you say “calm down,” we’re only going to rev up. A lot.
2. “Why do you have so much stuff?”
We have a lot of crap, alright? We’re women. We like clothes. And makeup. And hair products. And shoes. And no, we can’t “throw out” any of it. How could you even suggest such an atrocity? Make room, men. Our stuff’s not going anywhere.
3. “I like you better without makeup.”
Sure, we love to hear this when we’re in bed, stuffing our faces with puffy Cheetos while watching “Mad Men” and allowing our French Green Clay mud masks to dry. But if it’s said after we spend an hour and a half curling our hair and perfecting the cat eye/red lip combo applied just to impress you…BAD. GO STAND IN THE CORNER.
4. “You left your hair in the shower drain.”
Look, guys: we have hair.
And we work hard to make it pretty by purchasing expensive conditioners and flat irons. You could show a little love for it by picking out the curls in the shower drain yourself once in a while. We promise you won’t die or actually chuck up your lunch.
5. “It’s your turn to cook.”
No, we cannot cook tonight, because we’re in the mood for take-out Chinese or pizza after a long, demanding day at work. Sometimes, a lady’s gotta rest and just enjoy the perks of ordering in. This is the 21st century and we’re not obligated. But if you do want to put in a request for a homemade dinner, we need at least 24 hours notice (hello, prep work).
6. “Your hair spray/lotion/perfume smells like crap.”
Um, maybe you should get your nose checked out, because no it doesn’t. But if you do think our beauty products smell bad, say it nicely and maybe we’ll replace them. For example, “The way your hair mousse smells gives me a bit of a headache,” is a much preferred alternative to “Your head stinks.”
7. “Can you turn off the vacuum? I can’t hear the TV.”
FYI, the apartment became dirty when YOU invited your friends over to watch “Jackass: The Movie Part 6,” and now we’re cleaning up after you. Put on earmuffs. Invest in a sound machine. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES while we’re sucking up the doughnut crumbs in the living room.
8. “Want to do something about it?” [wink]
This is totally not the way to ask us to get you off when your little guy is poking us in the middle of a cuddle sesh. Kiss us passionately. Caress our skin. Remind us why you think we’re fabulous. And maybe then we’ll help you out there.
9. “You stole all the blankets in the middle of the night / took up three quarters of the bed / drooled in your sleep.”
We can’t control our sleep habits, just as you can’t do much about that habitual extreme snoring. I mean, I guess we can try to work on it…but we’re not sure how, because we’re sleeping. Go watch some TV.
10. “Hurry up, we’re already late.”
Yes, we understand that we’re running ten minutes behind, but reminding us is only going to make us want to snap your head off (we’ve been taking secret karate lessons behind your back…and now you know). While we’re doing our best to get our tights on and remove the hot rollers, why not just “calm down” and “relax”?
HOW ABOUT YOU? MOST ANNOYING THING YOUR GUY SAYS OR ASKS?
GUYS, WHAT’S THE ONE THING YOU’LL ALWAYS GET IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING OR BRINGING UP?
And to be fair, here are the worst things to say to your boyfriend/hubby…